I Learned From You

It’s been a few weeks since I closed my service as an Education Volunteer in Madagascar and I have been given the opportunity to really reflect on my service and my life for the past 27 months.  I wanted to give myself time where I didn’t automatically sigh when someone asked me about service.  I wanted to give myself time before someone asked me about service and I automatically thought of something negative.  I wanted give myself more time.  I wanted to give myself time to gather my thoughts and adjust to life outside Madagascar for a few weeks before I wrote my last thoughts about service and I have learned many things and many things I wish people knew about my bittersweet relationship with this beautiful country.  Get ready for a novel.  No, really, it is a short novel; I didn’t realize how long it actually turned out until I, you know finished writing.  Also, enjoy the random pictures to break up the word vomit.

In honor of the 27 months I spent serving, here they are, 27 thoughts, which may or may not include thoughts and insights from my posting from reflections on my 1st year in service (but probably not):

27.  CULTURE. Malagasy culture is full of life, music, and dancing.  We learn about culture, language, and participate in our community for 2 years and still, we won’t know the full glory.  I can gather my assumptions based on my time spent living within my community, but I will still always be an outsider looking in and can never fully understand the wonderful that is Madagascar.

26. BEWARE OF THE SINGLE STORY. Madagascar is a hidden treasure and is always welcoming to tourists.  Telling a single story and type casting a certain culture by hearing tourists and visitors saying things like, “these people,” in a negative limelight as begun to have me defending “those people.”  I had this intense, frustrating thought while at a hostel in Tana, overhearing some quite spoiled tourists stereotyping Malagasy culture without knowing anything about it.

25.  STRENGTH. I’ve had my own extreme struggle with the above, as I have unfortunately had to deal with a lot of sexual harassment and sexual assault on the daily while in service, which has left me with some quite intense anxiety.  Luckily, Peace Corps will help me with that, after the fact, but I would constantly have to remind myself not every person is like this and I was just put in extreme abnormal circumstances.

26. PASSION. I never thought that during my service, I would have loved tutoring more than actually teaching.  Students, especially adults, who seek you out for extra help, makes teaching so much more fun and enjoyable (especially as opposed to teaching 65 male-only teenage/early adult students as a young female).

25.  MORE THAN JUST TEACHING. I also, never would have thought I would have so many opportunities to do more than just teach.  Through fabulous friends, I was able to take part, and cook a healthy breakfast and lunch for a yoga retreat catered to expats, a beautiful challenge and hobby I had forgotten I had loved.  I also got to run my own radio program, which ran biweekly on the local radio and also guest appeared on one which ran countrywide.  I got to hold multiple sessions about American movies and culture, equality, respect, taught songs (not well, but they still treated me like Rhianna, so it’s fine) and got to help organize events with Embassy workers and the US Ambassador to name a few.  I knew I’d do more than just teach, but I never knew how much more I was capable of.

24. PATIENCE. Learning patience as an extremely impatient, punctual person always remained a huge struggle, but I adjusted and accepted the waiting game of things.  Especially waiting hours upon hours for a taxi brousse to fill up, breaking down, and being forced to hitchhike your way back, all while your phone is on that 1% battery life and you have no service.  This is one of those moments you come to terms with really quickly, then have your after brousse beer to celebrate and cope.

23. BREATHE. Days are long, weeks are short.  Many days seemed to drag on, teaching back to back classes 2 hours each, then having to go to the market, wait for the 3 hour siesta to be over so things would reopen, especially when I had to bank or had something time sensitive.  (Which is funny, cause if you really are in a rush, don’t bother stressing, just accept it’ll be late).  But then you turn a corner, and the week is already over and you can sit back with your local cat, earning some gold medals as a reward for making it through the week.  I should add the term “gold medals,” was a term my regional Peace Corps friends would use when talking about Gold Beer, one of the local beers.

22. RELAX. Don’t sweat the small stuff.  It’s already hot, especially as a coastal volunteer, so you’ll already be sweating nevertheless.  Have low standards and expectations so when things actually go as planned, it’s a wonderful surprise.  A lot of things don’t bother me like they used to back in the States or even living in other places abroad.  For me, I learned, finding humor in the mistakes and mishaps get you through the day.  I used to say, I laugh to keep from crying.  It worked.  Most of the time.

21. MORE THAN JUST LEMURS. Without a doubt, the most common question (after that stupid movie reference) I get after I tell someone I live, or lived, in Madagascar is, “wow, so what about the lemurs, are they just everywhere?”  Instead of getting annoyed with their assumption, like I used to at the beginning of service, I take the opportunity to explain Madagascar is more than just lemurs.  For me, yes, I was around many lemur reserves and was able to see many of them which isn’t the case more most other parts of the island.  Madagascar is full of nature, indigenous flora and fauna (90% of it you won’t find anywhere else.  Google it, I’ll wait), intense diversity of both people, regions, and agriculture which range from immense drought and famine problems in the Deep South, to beach vibes along with sex trafficking in the coastal areas and North, to even the intense and demanding vanilla trade in the SAVA region which always gets hit during cyclone seasons.  Madagascar is more than just lemurs.  There is happiness and sadness, music and dancing, unpaved roads and massive potholes, babies being carried on the backs of hardworking mothers, and dedication with passion.

20. LANGUAGE. The hardest part of having served in a city would be the constant struggle of trying to improve on the local language when everyone around you is constantly wanting to learn and speak English.  Which is great and inspired and incredible, but I learned to not focus too hard on improving my Malagasy, and focus more on communicating with my community.  So that’s what I did.  Also, I picked up some French while I was there, so that’s a plus.  Hon, hon, hon.

19. CRAP.  Literally and figuratively.  I also just realized I promised too much of myself when I decided, yeah I can totally write 27 things, no problem.  It’s a struggle because you think of all these things, but there are some experiences and thoughts which could only be understood by another Peace Corps Volunteer (maybe even specific to Madagascar, specific to the Deep South, or even specific just to me).  Also, literal crap.  Before Peace Corps, I would’ve been shy about asking a taxi brousse to pull over for that random bout of food poisoning from that questionable, yet utterly delicious, brousse chicken sold at those specific stops in random towns.  Now, I would have zero issue screaming from the rooftops my intestinal problems.  When you gotta go, you gotta go.  NO SHAME.

18. CULTURAL EXCHANGE. I was lucky enough to have my dad visit me, even better towards the end of my 2 years of service.  I was lucky enough where I could take him around my town, my market ladies, my friends, and my school.  I was lucky enough where my language skills were strong enough I could be a translator so my Malagasy world could connect with my American world.  I was lucky enough to where I could take my dad around and show him my life, Malagasy culture, and be his guide.  I was lucky enough to have been given the opportunity to share with him this glorious cultural exchange, warts and all.

17. FRIENDSHIPS. Friendships change so much throughout service.  Especially when trying to communicate with friends from afar and in America.  With some friends, you manage to stay in contact with and up to date with their daily lives and drama (fun or ratchet), but with others, they sometimes fade.  AND THAT’S OK.  Living aboard is hard.  Being a Peace Corps Volunteer is hard.  Life is hard.  As service grew on, I obviously grew older, and friendships changed.  I learned it’s a part of life, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

16. PRIORITIES. My priorities have changed in the last 2 years.  Of course I still have my bougey side, everyone does.  But what has changed is how I view my priorities.  I was able to go home for Christmas about a year into service and the way Americans, as well as the Western World, prioritizes consumerism and materialistic items is beyond me.  Here I was, in Target, having anxiety attacks over the choices of makeup and for the price of mascara which would have fed a family back in Madagascar for a week, still worries how I am going to adjust to life back in my future home.  Priorities change and it makes you realize there’s more to life than certain things you once thought were so important.

15. RICE IS LIFE. I love rice.  Rice, however, does not love me.  The fight against the rice baby is big (literally), and is the main dish in a meal.  Go hungry or eat rice and look like a Buddha.  I went with the Buddha look, it’s very in right how.  Also, tsy vary, tsy voky (you aren’t full without rice).  Be careful of those rocks though, they’ll slice your molars right in half.  #rice4eva

14.  NO POVERTY PORN.  Don’t take pictures of innocent children playing in their villages and post it all over social media.  Kids love having their pictures taken.  Of course, it’s only natural you’d want to share it with the world about your experience with the little nuggets.  One thing I have a strong stance on that I wish people would know before traveling to a developing world, they’re still children and unless you have lived near them, shared stories with them, taught them, don’t go posting on Instagram or Facebook about, “these poor African kids.” They are so much more than that label.  JUST DON’T.

13. MISERY FEEDS COMPANY.  Obviously we all know this.  But sometimes, you just need to have that vent session with a fellow volunteer who just, gets it.  Of course, it’s not healthy, and yes, there is almost always alcohol involved, but there it always ends up being the most closely related therapy session we’ll get, besides the obvious actually getting therapy.

12. HEAT. You’ll think it can’t get any hotter.  Just wait, it will.  You’ll think you can’t handle it.  Just wait, you will- or you’ll just melt and wait until you can function like an actual human again.

11. DEDICATION. The dedication and perseverance I have seen the locals in my community as well as within the Peace Corps Staff is outstanding.  Through think and thin, almost everyone I have worked with, within the Peace Corps walls to talking with other members of society as been quite admirable.  Shoutout to the staff for doing the job of 5 people, at least, but due to circumstances above my volunteer pay-grade, they are on work overload working day and night to make sure all of our volunteer needs, requirements, and concerns are met.  Your dedication has and will never go unnoticed.

10. VAZAHA. Foreigner.  I used to DETEST hearing that word, around the market, around town, around my community.  I’m not a foreigner, I live here, like you, I thought.  But I am.  I am a foreigner.  It’s not a bad thing. It’s not my identity.  It’s just a way of describing.  With that, this vazaha was able to teach about America, and show my friends a different side of the world, open a new light, and gain insight.  This vazaha, was able to learn about a new and different culture and meet new and different people.

9. GET COMFORTABLE WITH BEING UNCOMFORTABLE.  It’s just as simple as that.  Easier said than done, of course.  But without being challenged, and being forced outside my comfort zone, I would not have grown as well in my community than if I had stayed within the comfort of my uncomfortable toilet of a house. (Literally)

8. FRIP. There are deals in shopping second hand.  The best clothes I own have been fripped, bought second hand on the side of the streets at the markets.  There’s something to be said from a good bargain.  Goodwill has nothing on the streets of Fort Dauphin, let me tell you.

7. HAVE FUN. You don’t know how long it took me to fully come to terms with that saying.  We’re volunteers.  We shouldn’t be that stressed.  It’s not a crime to relax and enjoy life.  Drink that beer.  Swim in that shisto-free water.  Flip that hair.

6. HAVE FUN IN TEACHING. English should be fun.  Learning should be fun.  Act like a fool in the classroom, that’s when you know you’re doing something right.  I’ll brag, yeah, I’m a good teacher, but I enjoyed it more when I liked teaching about the subject matters.  I had to teach Business, Engineering, and Auto Mechanics (which is hilarious because I haven’t driven a car in about 3 years-but I can teach about it!).  I started having the most fun when I started teaching them songs from the best ginger around, Ed Sheeran.  Even better was when my students would sing and remember the songs I taught.  They had learned something.  So did I.

5. COPING MECHANISMS. Everyone has them.  You have it.  Whether it be shutting yourself away from the world for a day or two (or five) and binge watching all of Grey’s Anatomy to deal with being vagina grabbed twice in one night, to making up random songs about your adorable cats, to even as minor as going on week long vacations to your banking town, we all have them.  I learned my coping mechanisms, healthy and not, but it helped me deal with the rollercoaster of events that took place in my life over service.  I was lucky to find a way to deal and build up a resiliency to things that came my way.  I had to.

4. EMOTIONAL. As a person who sucks in all the feelings and rarely cries in public, closing service was an emotional time.  We had all uprooted our lives for 2 years and changed through personal and emotional growth.  After 27 months, Peace Corps holds a symbolic “ringing of the bell” ceremony to signify the close of this chapter of our lives, our finishing of service.  I’m not an emotional person.  I was on that day.  Everyone was.

3. TANA. I will never get used to the capital.  I have had many struggles there, especially when trying to deal with corrupted gendarme officials multiple times, but it’s good practice for trying to argue my way out of a tough situation.  Solution: Smiling and humor will get you far, especially if you can do this in the local language.

2. OHANA. The heartwarming friendships and love I have for my stage is unlike anything else.  We were all spread out during our service, but through thick and thin, we made it.  Through countless frustrations, random made up games with brochettes and beer bottles to get us through conferences, intense training sessions and volleyball games, we still persisted.  We were so blessed with having an amazingly supportive, kind, beautiful friendship full of laughter, light, love, and encouragement.  (In my best Octavia Spencer voice from The Help), We is special.  We is unique. We is delightful.

1.  IMPACT. I thought I was all noise and no one paid attention during my gender equality and equitable learning practice sessions I held at the American Corner for my community.  I thought everything I taught about with consent, harassment, and understanding when “no means no,” went in one ear and out the other.  I thought reading body language and understanding when a female, or anyone feels uncomfortable, to back away was a joke to my students.  On my last day with my school, there was a celebration for the best students who received the best scores on their exams.  I went out to cheer them on and my students, of course, wanted photos.  If I taught nothing and even if no one learned anything from me, (which I know isn’t the case, but stay with me), the biggest thing that made my service was a student coming up to me and asking, “Madame, is it ok if I put my arm on you for a picture, it’s ok if you say no.”  Boom.  My lectures and sessions, and at many times, classroom rants had actually paid off.  That’s when I realized my actual impact.  What I did actually made a difference.  Not only did I impact lives of my students, my community, Madagascar, above all, they have impacted me.  Thank you, Madagascar, and a very heartfelt veloma.

 

Fort Dauphin

On September 5th, I officially finished my service as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Madagascar.  I will post more about my service and reflecting at a later date, but for now, I made a brief video of my town and threw in a few lemurs, because they look like raccoon monkeys.

Only One Woman

A few weeks ago, March 8th, was International Women’s day.  This was a day where women all over Fort Dauphin held a special parade celebrating women, and showing women marching together in solidarity and celebrating each other in.  These parades took place all over the country, and it’s quite common for different organizations, groups, and companies to get together and have outfits, dresses, or in my case, a lambahoany which is pictured in my main post.  A lambahoany is a printed cotton lamba typically featuring a proverb on the lower border of the design.  The lambahoany is the most commonly worn type of lamba and usually made of printed cotton that is sewn together, similar to infinity scarves.  There are many are many uses for them and are often wrapped to attach a baby to the mother’s back, light blankets, sheets, to name a few.

It was amazing to see women come together and empowered and not only know their strength, but show their children, family, friends, and community just how powerful women are.  Every where you went, you would hear shouting, “Tratry ny fety ny vehivavy!” translated as, “Happy International Women’s Day!” from sellers, fellow teachers, students, and other women.

International Women’s day is a day when women typically get the day off of work, as a show of appreciation, while the men still have to work.  Many times leading up to this day, I was asked by men, “why don’t we get a day off?” to which I would respond everyday is a man’s day, an it’s important to recognize the work a woman does, cause more often than not, it goes unnoticed.  The men in my community continued to work, and helped with their partner’s usual chores, also realizing and supporting how much work and effort a woman does.

This parade was full of energy and loud music, dancing, and excitement.  We marched from one part of town to the end, all in solidarity, all marching together with our work.  Each of us were grouped together, all wearing lambas or matching dresses, and as the parade came to an end and our work places were being called out, the day wasn’t over yet.  There would still be a few hours of speeches and awards to give before the event ended.  Women teachers from my school, as well as the wives of the teachers soon gathered for some snack brochettes and juice, recharging before we parted ways.

Sadly, as much as I wanted this week (and post) to be full of inspiration and positivity, reality hit.  Going forward, the next part of this post may be quite gruesome and not uplifting.   I want to preface by saying this is from my views and experience alone, and does not reflect on another Volunteer’s experience as a female living in (Southern) Madagascar or anywhere else in the world.  Unfortunately, I live in an area surrounded by verbal and sexual harassment, which I would say, I deal with on a weekly basis which can be really discouraging at times.  A few days after International Women’s Day, right after the entire community came together to support women, I was at a bar, which is usually empty, but for some reason, it was quite busy, with some friends, catching up after a long, stressful week when I got grabbed by the crotch by a local man who was clearly intoxicated.  Not 2 minutes had passed when another man did the same thing.  This happens from time to time especially when I’m walking around the market, and usually I am quick to jump in and start yelling and lecturing them on the inappropriate nature and actions.  Just as quickly as they grabbed me, the were gone.  Throughout the rest of the night, there were more and more drunk men, and this time I was very quick to react, trying to convey certain unseemly behaviors are not ok, under any circumstance.

I want to say not every man behaves like this, but it only takes 1 out of every 5 to ruin your week.  In the past year and a half living in the Deep South, I have experienced unwanted touching, verbal harassment, as well as various types of catcalling, the last two of which I’ve become quite impervious to and have gotten good at tuning out.  Verbal harassment can range from the usual “ttsssstttttt,” which is a version of whistling, having screams of, “I love you,” to way more inappropriate language which I don’t feel comfortable typing.  Other harassment has ranged from trying to be forcibly kissed, grabbed by the breasts or privates, hand holding, and at times sniffing.

Like I said, not all men are like this, but it’s common enough to where it does affect me at times.  I’m very lucky as I have an extremely strong support system and have found ways of coping and talking with friends.  When the bad days outweigh the good days, that’s a problem, but 21 months in, I have found good enough strategies, friends, and a way of positively dealing with the stress and anxiety that comes with harassment.

Harassment is quite common anywhere, but for some reason, I happen to get quite a bit of it during my service.  I have seen this happen to not only just me, a foreigner, but other foreigners, as well as other local women too, so I’m not a special case.  Because harassment isn’t often talked about, most women I have seen affected by this, often ignore it, or me, I often yell at them or choose to stay silent, depending on the circumstances like if I’m followed in numbers for example.  This can happen while I’m walking to the market, going to the beach, sitting at the beach (which is when I get the lurkers, who seem to enjoy just staring at me from behind a bush), and even while teaching at times.  It does become quite problematic, with good reason, and to regain composure, I will do something fun for myself, which I am lucky enough to have a nice French influence of assortments, wine, cheese, massages at nice hotels, so I can reset and refresh.  I also have gotten into the habit of doing something physical or mind, body, soul related like Insanity workouts and yoga so I can trick my mind into having a better day, even with the bad days.  I have incredible circles of friends who get it, and fully understand this way too common issue and often offer great solace and distraction.  But ignoring and and not fully dealing the instances can only go so far.  The biggest and most impactful way to solve anything is through education.  And that’s exactly what I did.

After discussing with my local American Corner in town, I decided I really wanted (and needed) to present a session on respecting women, and the impact their behaviors have on a woman.  To convey the message, and have it hopefully stick, I had a powerpoint, real life scenarios, do’s and don’ts, “What would you do?” questions, as well as reviewing key vocab words pertaining to objectification, harassment, and the importance of “no means no.”

While going over how even though culture is different, it is never ok, no matter what to harass someone.  I commonly gave the example of what would they do if they saw a man treating their mother, sister, or daughter, in such an offensive way.  What I felt like was repetitive, seemed to finally get through the room filled with all but 4 women.

One of the last discussions we went over during my session was about how men usually eat first before anyone else.  In Malagasy culture, it is quite common to feed the man first before anyone else during mealtime.  I asked why and a female student answered, “because the man went out and worked and it shows him respect.” To this I replied, “and what makes you think YOU aren’t worthy of respect?”
This session was very near and dear to my heart and is an emotional topic to talk about. With International Women’s Day being a few days prior and being harassed a lot lately, I really wanted to put together an event on respecting women.  Whether or not every student retained any of my session, as long as I got through to one person, I did what I intended.

I also participated on the radio about gender inequality and the importance of recognising women

I finished the session with a final thought, hopefully impacting them in some way: if a man enters a room full of women, he is happy. If a woman enters a room full of men, she is terrified.

And with that, to leave on a bit of a more positive note, as hot season is nearing a close, the sunsets are still as beautiful as the first time I saw them in Fort Dauphin.  I love this place with all of its beauty and still find it hard to believe my service is almost coming to an end with a little bit of 5 months more to go.  That being said, stay tuned for the yet to be recorded tour of my town and marketplace.